My Unpopular Opinion on Self-Love

I'm taking a one-post break from pictures and updates on our family to post regarding a philosophy that is becoming prevalent in today's Christians.  I honestly thought that this was a new teaching, but Dan said that it's been around for a long time now. 



I have several friends from going to two conservative Bible Colleges who are now strongly promoting this teaching of "self-love".  In just the past three weeks, I've been invited to four different social media groups related to loving yourself, all run by different Independent Baptists.  I was appalled; for real.  This is the sort of thing this group type promotes. 

The first moment I heard about one of these groups, I thought it was a joke or something.  But it wasn't!  The leader of this group was a girl I knew from college.  A conservative, Christian girl who was taught the same Bible I was taught as a child.

The basis for these groups are the same.  The philosophy is that "you can't pour from a cup that's empty."  I get that!  But if you are a Christian, and you have Christ, why would your "cup" ever BE empty?

I watched the promotional/introduction video for each of these groups and they all said the same thing.  They all said that we as Christians spend so much time loving and caring for others that we forget about ourselves, and that we sometimes need to just step back and love ourselves for a change. 

I've tried finding verses in the Bible to back up this theory that we need to love ourselves before we can love others.  I couldn't find any.  In fact, I found the opposite.  I guess I just really don't understand this philosophy coming from Christians, because the Bible literally says many times that we love ourselves innately, without even trying.  In fact, it often commands that we love GOD first, and then love our neighbor, AS OURSELVES.  Ephesians 5:29 says that there's never been a man who didn't love himself. 
I understand that these groups are all started by women and that they're speaking primarily about their appearance and self-esteem.  Coming from a woman who struggled with "self-esteem" (same as everyone) to some extent, when I was going through a phase in highschool of wanting to please people, have people like me, want to look attractive and so on, I was NOT struggling with thoughts of hatred towards myself.  If anything, I was SO focused on loving myself and thinking about myself that I wasn't thinking of anyone else.  Often, we hide behind a false-modesty of "I'm ugly" thoughts and attitudes that we REALLY don't believe.  I speak from experience.  Though I may have struggled with hoping that OTHER people thought I was attractive, there was never a time when I stopped loving myself.  Pride taught me self-love from an early age.

Please don't misunderstand me.  I don't support self-deprecation or putting yourself down in any form, but bolstering oneself up just to feel affirmed is utterly wrong.  Most of these self-love programs consist of posting memes and quotes that say things like "You are beautiful, you are unique, you are strong, you are the best you you can be" and "Don't change a thing; you're beautiful." 
While those quotes may sound good to me, they aren't truthful to me at all.  I'm by no means perfect, and I absolutely need to change many things about myself.   

I know it isn't a popular opinion to have in today's society (hence, the title of this post), but I don't need to teach myself self-love.  Love of self is something we are born with. Self- love is why we pout as children when we don't get our way.  Self- love is why we get angry when others call us out for being wrong.  Self- love is why we decide to buy something for ourselves (even if it's a coffee) that isn't necessary.  Self- love is why I often will get annoyed when things don't go my way.  Self- love is a part of our sin nature.  We were born with it.  It certainly is not something we need to teach ourselves. 

I was told by someone recently that I ought to feel self- love towards myself at every point in my life, no matter what I've done, and no matter how I look.  I disagree.  If I convince myself that I am an awesome person when I've just done something wrong, I've contributed to searing my conscience just a bit more. 

So no, I won't participate in any "self-love" programs.  I already love myself more than I ought to, and if you're honest with yourself, you'll say the same.  Let's all work a little more at loving God with all of our hearts, souls, and minds.  Then we can focus on loving our neighbors as much as we already love ourselves (Matt 22:37-39). 

    

My Struggle...

I never used to be this way, but sometime between my sophomore and junior year of college, I began having the desire to be independent. 

Being dependent on someone or something makes you vulnerable to that person or thing. I do not enjoy being vulnerable to anybody. I began searching for who I really was and I found myself becoming quite independent...Just what I wanted.

I began realizing something about myself. I do not enjoy the unknown, the unseen or the uncertain. If I were to take one of those personality tests that liken you to an animal, I would be a beaver; the one who follows instructions and rules. If it is all written out for me, I am completely happy. Like I mentioned, when I started desiring to be more independent and not relying on others for my own personal happiness, I found a problem.

Lately, I have given some thought to this matter. I once heard a Pastor preach a sermon, and in it (speaking of trusting in God) he said "When you come to the end of your rope, reach for the hem of His garment." 

I thought that was great, memorized it, wrote it down...and then it popped into my mind a few weeks ago and I couldn't stop thinking of it. I realized that while it may be great for some people, that concept would never work for me.  I have a desire to be independent, I enjoy challenging myself, and I hate feeling vulnerable. If I were to wait until I came to the end of my rope, who knows how long I would hold out before turning my faith and trust over to God?!

In Proverbs 3:5, I am commanded to trust in the LORD, and not to my own understanding.

In Jeremiah 17:5, the Bible says that the man who trusts in himself is cursed.

In the area of trust, it is better that I simply let go of the proverbial "rope", than to wait until I feel like I have come to the end of it. Knowing myself, I would never come to the end. 

This is an area of life I have realized that I need to work on. Even though I CAN take care of myself, and I can pay my bills by myself and things like that, I must never ever get to the point where I feel like I can make it completely "on my own" without God.
My struggle? It isn't wrong to be responsible and be independent or to live alone without help. But it becomes wrong for ME when I hold onto that proverbial rope and rely on my own strength rather than reaching for the hem of God's garment, knowing that I can't make it on my own. 

Just something I have pondered lately...